Wednesday 11 November 2009

Gordon to be the new unit of measurement for cuntitude.



Unelected nose picking PM James Gordon Brown has been adopted by the International Science Community as the new System of Units(SI) as the standard cunt for scientific purposes.

The Cunt, which the measure of absolute intolerability, was recalibrated by the French Academe de Sciences after the previous standard cunt, former Home Sec. and grumble film claimer Jacqui Smith degraded slightly over time to 0.9992 of a cunt.

 Gordon will take up his position as the new international standard cunt on Dec. 1st, when he will be deposited  in the National Archives in Paris for reference, alongside such global standards as the meter, the gramme and the ampere. Gordon will be kept in an atmospherically controlled glass cabinet bearing a brass plaque reading LE CONN which is French for cunt.

A spokesperson for the National Archives in Paris said "Gordon is an absolute natural, he does not even need to work at being a total cunt. Just look at how he has ruined the UK as both Chancellor and as PM." He added "The fact that Gordon is locked away is better for everyone, except for citizens of Paris but as he is no longer on the world stage it is something France is happy to help her friends in the UK with."

A Downing Street spokesman said "I can't think of a better yardstick for the cunt measure than Gordon, the man is a 100% cunt, a cunt through and through. An utter cunt and we when he is gone we will save the taxpayers a fortune in Nokia phones that the cunt throws across the office whenever he hears bad news about himself."
A hat tip to this month's Viz for the idea.